I want to burn down the city

yes, I have a new job. I like it a lot.

but I dont want it to be the most important thing in my life. so I wont let it.
we went to a fashionshow this friday. a friend of ours who did it for her exams. and another friend was modeling (we introduced them haha).
Been to a lame houseparty.
me and an old co worker went to the place were I once were at an afterparty-until-12-so-we-dint-make-it-to-our-flatwieving, a couple a weeks ago (but first we went to some warehouseparty and Cs jesus was there, acting really weird. amusing!). we had a blast and got proper smashed. she forgot the very expensive bracelet she got from her boyfriend for her 20th birthday in the guys bed (where we all fell asleep in a big...bunch of bodies haha). anyways, yesterday we wnet back to get it. then we all went to joiners to sing some karaoke. we never got to the singing part tho, which prob was a got thing, since I have the worst vocie ever.

its a really nice day, so I should get something done now.
but I wonder..
C, where are you!!!??

Spelar det någon roll? Nej kanske ingen. Kanske allt, egentligen.

oi oi. i hate fotball. and working. and not beeing able to party all the time. and people who act like they are 12 years old. like everyone at my work.
the best girl i have met in london so far is leaving. shes going to NYC for a very cool and impressing project, and im gonna miss her so much. we had goodbye drinks on her roof yesterday. i got a beautiful photo of john lennon and yoko ono from her. she said the photo reminded her of me and my good heart. i melted. the moon was so huge and the view was amazing.

right now, i just want to get fucking wasted. think that im gonna work on that and go to a bar where my friend is working before i start my shift. (yes, i do drink before work. no, its not to recomend if you dont have my job)

I suggested to Q that talking a walk round east london should be our new activity insted of lying in bed smoking and listening to music during the nights we dont go out. she wasent very happy about that, and we decided that that could be like once a month or something.

i miss Q, btw. shes working now, which feels a bit wierd. im so used to always have her right next to me.

3.900 people die every year out of erotic activeties

we´ve had more friends visiting. seems like we´re never alone anymore. have spent the days with going to arty things and drinking wine and playing cards. lovely. this week im going to a friends fashionshow. its gonna be soo good. other then that, im gonna work, and go out, ofc. and i do need to do some shopping, cus i dont have anything at all to wear, which freaks me out a bit. there is also this massive party on sat night that i am extremly exhighted about. its all gonna be oh so good!
but tonight, im going to my lover, haha.

or maybe I shouldn't leave at all

yes, I've been in fucking turkey. and now Im a bigger mess then ever, haha. seriously, it's not pretty.

I left on a friday. I realized that leaving on a friday is never a good thing, cuz thursday nights always seems to be the crazyest. (but a realized, just now, that last time, I left on a thursday and I was about to throw up on the airport cuz that wednesday night was so crazy..so maybe it's just leaving I shouldnt do.) I acctually was a bit nervous this time tho, cuz it was easy to tell by my eyes what I had been doing last night. or at least that I had been doing something illegal.

it was a long night, in a very good way. we went to east end thrift store, to the galleries, to catch, to joiners and to the french guy with the weird name. I had fun the entire time.
I slept an hour before going to the airport.

and now Im back, where I belong, it seems.

I quit my job. And me and V are goin to the occupied house later tonight. we are doing a project, and I hope it turns out good. exciting anyways.
Q

unmade beds

one of the best things about thursday night was that i had my own crowd. it was so fucking good. there were three of them and they all really loved me, gave me cigaretts, called me princess and followed me around everywhere. so fucking great.
then i lost them on my way to an afterparty which i later decided not to attend, but to go home to a complete stranger who i had never seen before i asked where he lived.
i have his t-shirt now. and his phonenumber. maybe i shall text him? he does have an amazing flat very close to my job.

my job.. its starting to get better. i got 10 pounds from my boss the other say, just like that. and then she wanted me to take a cab home and give the bill to her. i felt like a whore, haha!

en cigg, en cola light och smaken av methadron i nasan.

not sure what to say, have so many funny things to say about yesterday and the future and everything but im feeling like shitt. the whole world is still spinning around. havent eaten anything exept from a chocolate bar on the east end thrift store event for 24 hours.

tomorrow am i going to work 13 hours. get me away im dying.
miss Q like crazy.
shes in fucking turkey.

how to look a million dollars

there is really just one person that truly understands me, and i am so happy to have her.

it is so wierd who people really can grow away from eachother. i dont really get it, it feels so sad. and the wierdest thing is that it feels so natural in a way.. god.

last night was the wierdest night ever. i have realized that i should probebly just stay friends and hang out with people i really really like. otherwise, its just a waste of time. and i dont need anyone telling me what to do. i dont need anyone that knows all about the fucking world and drugs and people to teach me what is right and what is wrong. i just want to be by my self and do my own thing. i sound like such a getto girl, haha!

feels like i want to write and write and write, paper up and paper down.
but i cant, cus i dont have time, and i have to take care of a friend of mine.
but i have one important thing to say.
Q, you are the best. i just cant wait for when we can have one of those brilliant Q-and-C nights again. there is so much i want to tell you.

the outsiders

I'm slightly dying. it's so fucking hot. I had ice cream for breakfast. me and C has been hanging out in london fields, getting some sun on our faces. it was so boiling we had to keep in the shadow tho. drank wine and k cider with ice and just had a blast, as always.

we went to a birthday party this saturday. it was really fucking far away (clapham). not the best party we've been to, but I can think of a lot wors things to do a saturday night! we were the coolest girls around, as walter would have put it, haha.

otherwise, a lot of talking with random or not so random people at catch, trying to sort out my job situation, since I wanna quit my current and start at the other one. miss internet like crazy, mostly cus I wanna be able to blog!!! this is shit.

gonna go try finding some not so hot clothes to cover my poor body with now.

det gör ont att veta men lika ont att undra

ohgosh, it is summer for sure. me and q are swetting at the corner cafe just two mins from our flat. but i love it. im off work two days now, feels great. our swedish friend is comming tomorrow.

it has been a blurry coupple of days. we have been out. i have been seeing people who i dont want to see. (that always means someone that i have had sex with, haha!) and people i do want to see. (like this model who i want to have and a really cute and cool blogger.
i have been very very drunk and fucked at work. came home like three hours after closing wearing a wig and i just couldnt stop talking to poor q who was trying to get some sleep. i was so fucking funny, cant stop laughing when i thing about it, q even made a movie of me.
someone got shotten in london fields. that is THREE minutes from were we live (we checked that today, haha) that is so scary....
went to a house party this saturday, in south london. cant remember much about it, tho. more then the fact that i ran away with a very very ugly and paranoid guy in a cab, desperate to try and get some champange at 4 in the morning. the very nice taxi driver laughed at me, and asked if i was scared of black people. then i laughed at him, haha.
ohgod now i just want to rip off all of my clothes and jump in to a big bucket of ice. im dying. have so much more to write, tho, but i cant fucking concentrate.
im gonna send an e-mail to that french guy. i wanne be a superstar and he might make me one?

back in town

I have so much I wanna write about, but I have to run off to work. happy bout being back in london, that's for sure! it's summer dammit. too bad I have to spend my weekend at work tho.

i dont mind if you dont mind, cus i dont shine if you dont shine

okay. wierd coupple of days. im sitting at the cafe 2 min away from our flat again, drinking diet coke, again. my darling Q have been in sweden now since thursday, and i miss her so much. i would say that the flat feels empty whitout her, but i have had company........ the model guy (which i used to call him, no hes not even doing modeling anymore) have spent a coupple of nights there. he might be the wierdest man i have ever met. nothing more about that.
i am dying cus i want to shop so much. i just want clothes, clothes and clothes. bought a little buister/top in leopard print from beyond retro. so nice. wish i had a camera. and i have found a wig that im gonna steel.... its blond, short and oh so nice.
other then that, i just wanna go out. meet fab new people and just go with the flow. wear like nothing and get away with it. have to much make up. drink to much wine. kiss too many ppl. dance to much and laugh to loud. all of those things that is not really ok during the day. (before, i thought that those kind of things just were okay during the weekend. thaha)

i wont fuck her, shes to nice to fuck

ohmygod, yesterday was a blurr!!
went out to that place we always went to when we lived east, i had forgot how much nicer people are there, people east just worry about looking cool and beeing mysterius, but west everyone is just so uncomplicated.
it all started with a big table that we had to bring up with ropes to our roof terrace, then we found six bottles of wine for 10 pounds, that we drank, we had italian friends over baking pizza for us and we got totally wasted and fucked.
after that we went out. ran in to the guy that i made out with when we still went to shitty clubs all over london. he was so nice, he used matches insted of a lighter when he was gonna light his fags. so old fashion and cute!
he didnt recognize me. that kind of sucked.
then i cant really remember so much exept from that i knew all of the songs that the band played, i was standing just in front of the stadge and i was singing and singing. then i had sex with the bartender.
just like that. the bartender that we have been wanting to have sex with for ages now. THE bartender!
its all a blurr. but it is so damn fun! we didnt even really talk. we just had sex. and i didnt even started the whole thing, it was all his idea!! (i love that, cus normally its just me grabbing a guy, like telling them to have sex with me, but this was all his fault!)
god. i am at brick lane coffe now. i only have 2 more minutes left. wish that i could blog more. cus i have like fuckloads more interesting things to blog about! but i cant.

blur blur blur

oh gosh. cant saying it too many times; not having any internet is KILLING ME! dont know what is happening in the world. my parents where here. dad promised me a dongel. hope he remembers!
so, a friend from sweden is comming tomorrow. but im kind of the opposit of between two jobs, more like, having two jobs at the moment. which i hate. but, i cant live on 20 p pasta hoops from lidl forever, haha!
i was so desperate for a fag yesterday, so i tried to smoke grass. green fucking grass. it kind of didnt work out at all. guess Q felt bad about me beeing so poor, got one from her this morning and that was the best fag i have had for aaaages.
tonight, wokring from 7-12. then out!! i hope. just feel like getting drunk and seeing people. and kissing people. i have only been with the same fucking guy for months and months now. which is fine, but not when he stars wanting to hold hands and when he is talking about me with his mum.....
a goodbye kiss at liverpool street station is like a big no no in london if you dont want anyone to know who you are fucking. i mean, daaah theres like soo crowded there a sunday afternoon.. gosh.
cant get anything normal out of me right now.
just feel all blurry.
i miss to be able to blog when im comming home all drunk.

what I like most about you, it is your girlfriend and your shoes

haha, news from our home sweet home:
We got a frying pan (yeehi!) or two really.
C' has got tourettes again (the other day she said that my jacket "wasn't the worst thing about me" for no reason really. quite amusing tho.)
Im rich, payday this friday!
One of our swedish friends might come visit this weekend.
The weather sucks (where did the summer go?)
C's parents been here. Feed us and got us a bit tipsy. Love it.
Im going to sweden for a bit next week. Gonna get some clothes, my camera (or well.. my mums. But its mine now!) and say hi to my family that I havent met in about 7 months.

Gotta go now, I haent been in our bed for like 10 hours! Gah, its my favourite place these days. haha. its quite lame.

yes, it's a pink horse

having two days off. or well, today is the second. Yesterday was all about cosy. we had lunch by the river. C took off to the guy fomerly known as both mr dickhead and the modelguy. now he's just known by his name. anyways. so I spent my night on a big pile of duvets and pillows in our bed, with cigarettes, diet coke and a couple of magzines. not complaning. at least not until the guy in the flat over us had a huge fight with someone and screamed "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU FUCKING SCUMBAG!" for about fifteen minutes. that was not cosy. he was screaming so loud I couldn't even hear the music. dont like him anymore. I liked him before cus his the only neighbour we met.

tonight Im going to the east end thrift store event with a friend from work. and since there's a free bar I will probably get drunk and go to catch with C when she gets off work.

also dropped off a film to get developed yesterday, so excited to see how the pictures turned out!

sunday bloody sunday

you shouldn't say "help me" C, you should say "It's a tiny tiny world!"

Had such a great sunday! or, well, didnt start very good since I had to get up 6am and get to work. But after work it was a great sunday! had lunch with my dear C. then met charlie viky and her bfriend in london fields. it was kinda freezing but the sangria-ish stuff kept us warm, haha. anyways. we ended up at our place (our first real guests! that weird landlord (or whatever he is, he never introduced himself) guy who always seems to come over when we're in bed in our pjs and it's like noon on a wednesday doesnt count). drank loads of wine. and cider. randomly went out and bought 5 pizzas and 3 packets of chips. and smoked so much that our flat doesn't smell chinese food anymore. which is a very very good thing! had the best time and laughed so hard I could hardly breath several times. oh, love those radom get togethers!
Q

help me

just realized what a slut i am. the last week (week!! in seven fucking days!) have i met TWO persons from sweden whos cousins i have fucked. and the first day of my new job i meet a girl who i have made out with and had hmm... sex with her friend. its just insane.

new record

downside with C potentielly having a job- who am I gonna hang out with? haha.. prob going out with a few for my job 2night, which will be brilliant. I havent been out for like three weeks. Its ABSURD! I use to go out three times a week. every week!! I miss it. Hopefully its gonna change now that we settled in the new flat!
Prob gonna do something fun with V 2morrow aswell. since I have the day off. my third this week. Not complaning!

you're only young once

looks like my unemployed C is about to get a job! congrats to her!

me on the other hand just got my contract extended.. which is a good thing I guess. just that there's the other job I want.

But I feel like such a bore. haven't done anything outrageous since.. dunno when. I feel lame. I wanna get drunk and high and not sleep for 30 hours and meet fab people and do crazy things. Im gonna do something fun thursday night, thats for sure.

summer in london

we spent all saturday lying in london fields, sunbathing, drinking wine, smoking, listening to music, watching people, talking and laughing. could hardly think of a better way to spend a saturday.



to bad I had to get up and work so early this morning. good thing Im finishing early tho. we're gonna go to flea market and hopefully find something nice for our flat!

loving the new

gosh, sitting at brick lane coffee now. not having any internet is killing me, specially since im unemployed. haha. was suppose to write my CV now, but there is just so much else to do.. like looking up whats on tonight everywhere. might go old blue last, they have some gigs tonight.
hate the fact that Q is working so damn late everynight, feel soo lonley when sitting at home waiting for her until 11 pm, haha. but but.
LOVE the new flat. its truly amazing. we went a bit crazy on lidl yesterday, bought things for 21 pounds. thats a lot when its on lidl, haha!

we've got a home now

finally in the new flat! havent got any internet tho.
but its awsome.
most of it at least.

Ive been working my butt of (well, its still there, but Ive been working a lot).

im off 2morrow tho. loads of things to do. still have stuff in my old place and still a lot things we need in the new one. like a saucepan? or a plate or two?

don't leave me hanging alltså

it's quite weird with my job. I like it. I have never had a job i liked before. going to work has always ment anxiety attacks. now it's quite alright. even tho I have to admit that now when C's without a job it's a part of me missing being unemployed (quite a big part, haha!). would be the best thing to live together in our own flat and not having to work. but, im sure it'll be awsome anyways..

one of my friends left london today, which feels sad. will miss her.

C's coming backtomorrow night tho. about time, haha! can't remember the last time we were apart for more than one day.

oh and when I went to work today there was shitloads of polices by the tubestation. they had dogs looking for drugs and everything. I became extremly nervous and actually tried to hide in my hoodie. Before remembering I didn't have anything to be nervous about.

have the day off tomorrow. wont be doing anything fun tho. just cleaning out my room and pack up my stuff. i'm dying to go shopping! mainly i need a jacket. feel silly wearing my furcoat when its like 15 degrees outside. feels like a good idea to move first and then shop, tho. have enough to shove in to one suitcase already. more than enough.

I found shelter

feeling half without C.

had a great day at work today tho, getting to know my co-workers a bit more..
I did go to the aa sale the other day.. it was great. found some good stuff (but I've realized that I only bought that striped thing cus that guy said it looked great on me.. it doesn't. but its comfy! haha). and, they asked me if I want to work for them! might be something.

moving in friday (finally!!!). apperantly they called my current landlady and asked her to write a reference. didn't think they would, but all fine.
im gonna drink a lot of wine now.

time goes by

oh, im in sweden. its nice. very... not like london at all. quite funny, was gonna call everyone and say that im in town, but then i figuered out, who is everyone? i dont really have any friends left here.. so i called my ex-boyfriend insted (haha) and he got ridicoulusly happy and called me the same silly nicknames as he did 3 years ago.
im seeing him tomorrow night. not sure if thats a good idea, tho.

i miss Q and beeing able to talk to her all the time.

first class riot?

I guess you're not suppose to laugh, but I think this is truly hilarious. What are these people doing? the cops wrestling, everyone screams like crazy (why?), the jumping on the car (haha, someone has watched a bit to much actionfilms!) and all this.. when they were ment to go shopping? oh my. Not quite sure if Im happy I didnt go there or not. Could have been quite amusing!

anyways, Im thinking about checking it out tomorrow..

My dear C have left for sweden for a couple of days. I feel lonley! Good thing Im working almost every day while she's away i guess.

boy with a thorn in his side

thursday was truly great! first the east end thrift store jumble sale thing. didn't have a very good look at the clothes, but I liked the bar! if a bar is free, it can't be bad.
then we went to catch. had a great time. got even more drunk. met some nice people, a few familiar. and the brazilian guy AGAIN. annoying.
then joiners, when someone said we were trouble. and that we had faces like angels. and: "go away, I found em first!" to brazilian guy. haha, in his face.
then I've just been working. not so much to say about that.

its easter now. dunno know how to celebrate. Should I celebrate? eat chocolate maybe?

its all in her head

oh, since im not having a job or studying or anything (which usually is Qs thing, haha, but now shes a hard working woman! feels wierd!) have i spent most of the day reading blogs. on gala gonzales i found this picture of her, and now i want a flag for our new flat even more! shes just amazing. but it would prefer a union jack, tho..

something is happening, but i dont know what it is. do you, mr jones?

it is my first day as unemployed. im lying in my bed eating chocolate cake and ice cream. that is more or less what im gonna do for the whole day. its just so great! heard that it is easter today, tho. haha.

yesterday was fun fun fun! met some really nice people, as always. shared my lip balm with the cutest guy ever on catch. he was in a band and they had a gig next week, its soo bad that i cant remember the name of the band, cus i would have loved to go.

im going to sweden the day after tomorrow. very random. to get some fresh air and swedish sweets. have so much to do before that, tho.. gah.

another brick in the wall

first day at my new job. quite exhausting, but i think it will be alright. I feel so..proper, having a job!
I might also be exhausted since me and a friend went to see Phoenix last night (not so much sleep in other words). they were absolutley brilliant! those (very big) glasses of wine might have helped a bit too.. but anyways, I had the best time.
so excited bout the east end thrift store event 2morrow!!!!!

countdown (sick for the big sun)

haha, I had totally forgot bout that "doing a magazine about us" thing. In the end we decided that there should be a new issue everyday, so everyone knew how many brilliant ideas we come up with, constanly. ofc.

and I did get an offer to come for an interwiev for a job I'd lovelovelove to have. thing is I just got another job, that's fucking good too. and if I ditch the first job to go for an interview for the second job I might not have ANY job, since Im not guaranteed the 2nd one.

Our flat will probably be the wierdest place ever. in a very good way. we were planning on having a big fucking sign outside our window saying "Be here or be square". (haha.) but then we read in the contract that we're not allowed to have signs outside our window (which is so fucking weird, that the contract actually says that!). dunno if me and C are very good with doin "the right thing" tho..

at least, we have eachother

i dont really think that people realize how mentally disturbed me and Q really are.

i mean, this is a typical conversation between us:

c - we fucking rule the world. we really do
q - i know, we actually really fucking rule the world
c - its just ashame that noone knows exept from us..
q - yeah, we should really make them know!
c - really! but how?
q - we could like.. write an entire magazine just about us, and what we do and what we think about, and publish it every week!

yes. we are a bit to full up of ourself. just thank god that we are speaking swedish to eachother all of the time, so noone understands..

god save the queen

i have started beeing totaly obsessed with the thought of having a junion jack flag on or wall of our new flat. a big, fat one. thats just so punk! i love it. freaking love it.
but where the fuck do i find an enormus junion jack? gah, this kind of things can drive me crazy, i always picture things in my head, and then i cant get them out of there.

monday night

oh boy, what a weekend. me and Q had the best time just lying in her bed, drinking red wine from the only cup (!) we had, eating chrisps and watching movies.
havent been eating that much nice food for a long long time! and wine, haha. we bought so many bottles from our favourite food and wine so that we got a free bag of cookies, haha. the bottles were a bit heavy to carry home, tho!
now im just lying in my bed enjoying the fact that im moving next week and that its spring and that everything is so fucking good right now.

there are so many reasons to be happy today!
havent eaten anything unhealthy for the whole day, and ate two bloodoranges for supper = healthy!

my loving Q just got offered her dreamjob (or, an intervjuv for her dreamjob) and im so very happy for her

its almost april. i love april

i have the new issue of LOVE and im gonna read it tonight, in my bed

things are getting closer to the sun, Im doing things in smaller doses

I went to catch with my friend this thursday. it was crazy. Mostly because I became so increadibly drunk. usually I just get sick if I drink too much, but this time I was just.. really fucking drunk.
I remember going to catch. I remember being on catch, and a few people I talked to. I remember being at joiners. I remember some girl asking me if I want to work for american apparel and taking photos of me. Thats pretty much what I remember from joiners, but my friend told me that we were there until it closed, which means about two hours.

I remember meeting viki and charlie outside and that we went somewhere to get something to drink. I remember viki talking about an afterparty.
Next thing I remember is that me and viki are at somerset house, looking at some photoexhibition (that I've been wanting to see for quite some time).
That was like 10.30.

Which means it's about 6 and a half hours missing from my memory. that's kinda scary, I honestly have no idea what I've been up to. hate it.
Anyways. Hope I had fun!

(but something not so fun is that I called up all my calling credit cus I called super random ppl in sweden. don't remember that at all either tho)

Me and C is just staying in and watching movies. Saving ourselfs until we're moooooving!!!

glaciers have melted to the sea

a quite funny thing happend in the cofeeshop on brick lane today. I was just about to pay for my coffee when the guy behind the counter says:
Haha, what is that? (Pointing at the mirror in my wallet) Do you take your cocaine from it?
I laughed.
Thought about wether I should tell him the truth or not.
Decided not to say anything about it.


I was in the thrift store by whitechapel aswell. great as always. the guy who works there tried on a back pack and asked if I liked it. I said he looked like a school boy. He laughed and said "I get that a lot". Sweeter!

Anyways. got a great pair of trousers. that I cut of, so now they are shorts.
That was pretty much my day. Oh, and I told my landlady about me moving. she was devastated. Poor thing, she's the sweetest!
Let's do something fun now!

better to be vulgar then to be boring

haha, just got a mail with the topic; WHERE ARE YOU?! from my old job back in sweden. they want me to come home and be in charge of the café where i was working last summer.
i would love to, it would just be so sweet to be in charge of something and boss everyone around. would totaly love that.
but. on the other hand. why would i go back to a shitty job in a shitty town where everyone knows eachother and you cant even take som cocain in the bathroom of a club without getting the rumor that you are a fucking druggie?
where people are all wearing their same H&M top day after day, without even noticing that there is more to life then that shitty town?

anyways. its spring. and i want to walk around looking as hot as this girl. shes just amazing!

my wandering days are over

the flat is the best thing that have happend since.. I don't know what! On the downside I must say that my new job is aaaaaaall across town. But whatever, it's definitly worth it.

So. We move in in about two weeks. And I start my new job next week. Which meens I have kinda a lot of time I don't know what to do with. Can't shake the feeling that there is something I've forgotten to do..

I might try to convince someone to get loaded with me tonight. Who can say no to that? Getting drunk by yourself is just kinda sad. And a reason to call AA.



This could be me or C in a couple of weeks. The most crazy things tend to happen when we do something together. Imagine us living together.. It will be a whole lot of crazyness.

cockney kids are innocent

you should see the flat. its amazing. its just one huge room, and a roof terrace. its fucking amazing, i love it so much. (and there is a squatted house next to us, haha) cant wait to move in.

we just realized that we dont have any things, tho, haha. like, duvet, pillows, glasses and plates and things. maybe we should have thought about that a bit earlier? but, ah, whatever. well make it work!

the guy with no underwear

had a lazy weekend. went to see lots of flats, did some shopping and stuff and stayed in both friday and saturday night. went to mr dickheads house this sunday again. (maybe i should start calling him something else..)
he is wierd. and i cant decide if its in a good or a bad way.
he tells me that i inspire him. he tells me that i have lips like marshmallows. he wants to take me shopping and take me to his friends gig. thats wierd.
cus so far have we only met up at his place, done some drugs, had sex and just spent hours in his bed pretending to be 15.
hes gonna name his latest song chloe. after me.
he thinks that its a good thing that im moving closer to where he works. and he wants to come over for supper?! (havent heard anything so cheesy for years. me and mr dickhead? eating supper?)
not sure at all if i like where this is going.

pass this on

celebrated today!
got the job.
got the flat.

that sure does deserve a bottle of pink champange.

a blurr

have so much things that i want to blog about, everything is just spinning around in my head.

this is new:

we have a flat.

i have a fuckfriend. (?)

i sort of broke up with someone, or, atleast it feels like that.

someone is writing songs dedicated to me.

five people are very disappointed with me.

i have quit my curses.

im going back to sweden for a week or so (i think)

im moving, and leaving the life that i have lived for 7 months behind.

cant belive it. this is what i have been waiting for. just need to find a fucking job now. then, my life is gonna look more or less like this.

miss the day, such an easy mistake

we thought about going out and take a walk or something. It's sunny I mean.

But then we we're just gonna drink a coke. And just checking something. And just eating something. And just watching some satc.. And then we missed it all, cuz there's barley any sunshine now. Haha, whatever. There will be manymanymany sunny days. On our roof terrace.

well we got to catch very late yesterday. they said they were closed but apparently I'm "the huggy lady", whatever that means, so they let us in anyways. It was quite dull. A few people I don't wanna meet were there so we decided to escape to joiners. Met some nice people. Steven, among others! haha, gotta love him.

I'm a mess

I cleaned my room the day before yesterday. I only clean my room when I'm reeeeeeally fucking bored. Which meens I haven't cleaned it...ever. This is before.
and then I cleaned it.

And now it looks pretty much the same again.


Really good news is that we found a flat today. So fucking excited about it!!! I love the place.
And now, Im celebrating. Drinking wine and eating chocolate. Going out tonight. Dunno where tho. I would guess the usual places. Can't go wrong there.

if im gonna do an undercut, its gonna look like this

long time, no blogging, haha. that is just because i havent done anything exhighting for a long long time. i have just been doing good things. good things like extra working for more money. (yaay!) and good things like looking at a lot of flats. which is getting a bit urgent at the moment, since im gonna be homeless the first of april. just dying to move in somewhere! (cant stop repeating that)

we were looking at three flats yesterday. fell in love with one that doesent have a washingmashine. but who ever needs that these days? haha

found a pic of exacly how i want my hair. that alice..

Update

*interview/assessment day didn't go too bad.. I hope I get it!

*C, why can't I reach you!?

*I cleaned up my room today. For the first time ever. Scary!

*There's so many stuff I wanna buy. If I get the job, I will!

*I wanna get drunk.

*No success on the flatfinding

That's pretty much it for now.

I meen like..for real!

so. I did work today. Amazing. Me working I meen. Made like 80 quids. And it wasn't hard at all. But it was incredibly boring. So fucking boring. Depressing, really.
Also kinda depressing that I missed the flat viewing cus I had to sit and fill in a bunch of forms. When I finally got there the guy sounded kind of pissed. Think I will go there tomorrow instead tho.

My voice is still fucked up. Dunno what to do about it. I really hope I can talk thursday. Really.

And I really wanna move. Now.

just nonsense

oh god. i hope that Q is looking at that flat right now, that i sent her to do. the landlord seems a bit agressiv and have been texting me more or less the whole day today. but i really want it tho! its on kingsland road, and really really cheap. (prob really really unfresh, but whatever!)
the flat i was looking at today was also really nice. a bit more expencive, tho.. but it was just next to victoria park, and it had like a seacret cubbord where you could hide things (read, drugs) but we dont really need that since we are going to have a big chest, arent we, Q?
just found that i might have to wait a bit longer then i thought before i move. im dying a bit. cus all i can think of right now is me and Q celebrating easter together in or tiny little appartment, hiding easter eggs, eating candy. me and Q throwing dinnerpartys for all of our friends. me and Q lying around on the floor painting and drawing. i love it. and i love that im gonna be living with her. cus sometimes i just get nuts. sometimes i just wake up at four in the morning with a feeling that i need to have pancakes, and Q is that kind of person that wouldnt mind if i went up and started to cook. she wouldnt even notice, haha. or, if she would, she would just put a hat on and be happy to help me! but then again, why would we be asleep at 4 in the morning? thats just silly.
i can imagine how we are sitting on our floor, with a waterpipe, smoking and just talking about life (or more like, boys)
and i can imagen us having wild afterpartys. i can imagine the first meal we are eating, and the first time we are sleeping at our new place. i can imagine us getting to know our neighbours, and singing and dancing around the whole day. it feels like i have never been so excited about something!

just got a text from Q. she missed it, oh damn. and i had got a million angry texts from that landlord-guy. oh well. there is plenty more fishes in the sea! haha.

Getting serious

looks like I have to work tomorrow. but it's just a temporary thing. just tomorrow (I think?). I can do that! Work for one day I meen. At least for ten pounds an hour I can.

then I have an interview thursday, which I'm actually quite excited about! And a bit nervous. Mainly cus I don't have a voice at the moment. Hopefully it'll be back by then.

Right now me and C moving is what I'm thinking about constantly. All day, everyday. Just can't wait for it to happen.

the beat that my heart skipped

monday again. the last couple of days has been a bit weird.
I woke up around 2pm sunday. had no idea where I was. Very happy that I recognized the person lying next to me tho..

Saturday night was messy. after C took off (without telling me) I met up with another friend. we hung out for a bit at old blue last before we went to catch. the brazilian guy from this thursday were at both places, acting really weird! we also met a few of the fashion studying girls, they were really nice tho!
after catch we went to the joiners (are we a bit narrow-minded?). and there was..the brazilian guy! gaaaah!
but there was also a very nice guy with a supernice leather vest he made himself (oh well, he had just cut the sleeves off a biker jacket, but it looked really good!). I might have insulted his friend, cuz I said he looked like josh gorban. And then I changed my mind and said he looked like a mixture of josh gorban and Pippin in lord of the rings. He didnt know who josh gorban was but he didnt like being compared to a hobbit. haha.

anyways. after some crazy dancing at joiners talking to a lot of random people we ended up with some guy called nick and his friend (he was the sweetest, said I can dj in queen of hoxton instead of him this week, cuz he didnt feel like doing it. Too bad I didnt take his number, cuz I totally wanna do it!). he lived just around the corner from joiners (how convenient!). we went there for some drinks. talked, listened to music, smoked, drank beers and laughed until 8am. they had quite some stories!

woke up and dragged ourselfs down to brick lane to get some food.
sunday night. old blue last again. cosy.
monday. looking for a flaaaaat!!!

confusion in her eyes that sais it all, shes lost control again

i fucked up quite bad last night and i feel awful. drank way to much. i was such a bitch to my best friend (Q) which i feel horrible about.
i threw up on the tube on my way to mr dickhead who had been texting the whole night. came to his place, fell asleep without even asking how are you, woke up and threw up in his bed. had a long shower, then we took some drugs, drank some champange, smoked some weed and talked the whole night.
woke up today feeling as bad as a person can poss feel. not just because i was hangoverd, litterly wanted to die.

now, im in my bed watching tv. still feel like a big shit. i mean, thats not acceptable behavior.

i wish i was special, so fucking special

haha, yes, yesterday was crazy.. but, hopefully, tonight will be even better! but i dont really know if anything can overshine that daytime-drunkness that we got so much of. its just brilliant. reminds me of when Q and I ran away to barcelona when we were 15 (?) we were drunk all the time and just did crazy things. and when we came home again everyone asked us what we had been up to, but we couldnt anserw, cus we really didnt know! haha, was about to write good old days, but, hey, lets face it, i have never really had as much fun in my life, or met as much intereresting people as i do now.

go ask alice

oh, that thursday! And friday.
It all started with me and my friend going to watch her friends band. I was not prepared for a night out. I meen, no outfit, thinking about looking up where those flat were, loading my phone or.. anything.
Anyways.. we got to the gig just in time. they were quite good. the guy my friend know was very cute! We hung out for a while, but then it turns out that the place is closing like 11. we've had a couple of drinks so decided to go to catch.
and so we did.

catch was nice as always. I drank a lot. My friend drank quite a lot. She smoked her first whole cigarette in her intire life.

when catch closed we went to joiners. meet a few familiar people.
when joiners close (which seems to be like 5 minutes after we got there) we met this guy who ask us to come to an afterparty in dalston. Im totally up for it, my friends are not.

next thing I know Im in this cool flat somewhere in dalston with loads of people that I never met before. someone works for Vice magazine (we decided we are moving in together "starting tonight!" but then we lost track of eachother, too bad, haha!) someone have a band and are opening an online vintageshop (but makes his living through being a plumber), a few are squatter, someone is homeless, a few studies fashion and a few are italian. Everyone is so nice, and interesting! except the brazilian guy. didnt like him at all!

after a couple of hour of drinking laughing talking and listening to music the guy who invted us wants everyone to go to his place instead. so we do. its the most amazing flat on brick lane. they have rack after rack with vintage clothes they sell. we try on the most crazy outfits. we drink. we discuss everything from jobs to teeth to tatoos to music to drugs and haircuts and clothes and flats and.. just everything! people are coming and going.

when its like 11am its just me, two of the fashion studying girls, two italian guys and a guy who I guessed was 27, turns out he's 22 (made him a bit sad) left.

when we are digging around the clothes C calls and says she's outside. I go down to get her. Im dressed in a bright yellow 60's dress, a short furcoat with the most extreme shoulders, and bright red lips (that francesca was nice lending me!). C looks a bit shocked, haha!
after she helped me take of the dress, who is a biiiit to small (joseph screamin "be careful, its delicate! Its vintage!") she drags me to the coffeeshop.

then we get all lost in hackney (where we suppose to look at a flat), ended up in london fields, where C got drunk, haha! then we wobbled back to the coofeeshop. C painted whiskers on me.
we thought about going back to the afterpartyplace, but after more than 30 hours without sleep I was quite dazed. we went to my place and I collapsed in my bed.

Q

argh. so, Q and I are going to see two (or three) flats today, and we were suppose to meet up outside the tube at 10. round 7.30 in the morning she calls me, and wakes me up (which i guess, some people would have been happy about, since i start working 8. but I was just pissed cus i missed almost half an hours sleep, haha!) to tell me that she already was east, at an afterparty.

now, I cant reach her, since im out of calling credit, and I have no idea if she knows where the fuck in hackney those flats are. I have no idea how to find her, either. an afterparty round brick lane... not very specific.

haha, i sound very grumpy. well i am! but mostly just because i was at home watching friends, insted of partying. and now, i have to be a fucking boring person comming and breaking a party up. aah, i hate being responsible! but, i guess these days are soon to be over. after a week (or two) there will be no more start working at eight in the morning and no more nights spent alone watching crappy dvds. wohooow!

taking the safe way

I quit my job again this morning!

Since my boss said he would bitchslap me if I quitted, I decided to not go there this morning, just sent him a text that Im not coming in. Not the most mature way, but hey, I did try to tell him yesterday, which is when he said he would bitchslap me. I laughed quite hard tho!

Anyways, my friends manager is having a gig with his band tonight and it looks like we are going! Since I dont have a job to go to tomorrow, I might even get drunk! Which I haven't been in 8 days. New personal londonrecord? But me and C have a flatwieving tomorrow tho, so excited about that! And she has the whole day off, so we can hang out all day. gotta love it.

couldn't have said it better myself

Spud had done well. I was proud of him. He fucked up good and proper.

wednesday night

looking for flats right now, and its so much fun! me and Q have already started picturing ourself chainsmoking through the big windows on an old victorian house, having our shoes and clothes in the kitchen cubbords in the tiniest little flat ever on bethnal green road and having barbeques in the amazingly cheap flat with a fire place. but how on earth are we gonna decide which one we want? i fell a little bit in love in each and every one of them...

well well. to a much bigger problem. i havent been drunk for 11 days. really gotta do something about that! 11 fucking days!!

oh, btw. mr dickhead thinks that we are fuck-friends now. and i never anserwed the french artist last weekend, since i was sober, and M is in belgium again. just a little update!

a change always means a loss

C is darn right about that. in the end it will be okay.
in this case, it wont just be ok, it will be fucking awsome.

Im not so sure I would say my life is clearing up tho. I wont be long at my job. Not because it's boring me (but it does) and not because I don't like my boss or co-workers (cuz I do, they are really weird and amusing) but because:
I wont make any money (like wtf, the only thing we do is taking crazy pictures in the webcam and smoke all day long. me and my boss that is. And its comission only).
I don't give a fuck about investments. Really, couldn't care less. To sit and talk about it all day just seems like a waste of time. If I at least got payed by the hour I guess it would be something..but that's not the case.

It would be kind of cool to work in the gherkin tho, theyre moving there soon. Maybe Ill stick around until then, just to be able to go there to work for a day or two, haha!

Also, something kinda funny happened today!! I got a text from this guy I met this summer. The story is quite complicated. I dont even know the story.
I dont know what we are. I would say friends. But Im pretty sure he likes me in a different way. because he kind of told me so. But I dont like him like that. I really like his friend, tho!!! he's incredibly cool and good looking. and also kind of a rockstar. and kind of taken. he is also the reason for me even meeting this guy in the first place.
anyways. we met a couple of times this summer and had coffee when I was in stockholm and drinks when he was in london a couple of months ago. Then we havent talked.
And now he texted me saying he's in town.

Im working tomorrow tho, and promised to babysit during the night. and he's leaving thursday. so, I dont know. Oh well, let's see what happens..

the end of an era

oh, goood, while Qs life is starting to clear up, mine is the biggest mess ever. this morning was probebly the messiest one in my whole life. i have quit the shitt-job. people have been crying, people have been screaming, people have been telling me that i am bringing them down, and in the next second begging me not to leave them.
i have been on the phone the whole morning. dont really now what im doing or what is happening. all i know is that im homeless in about two weeks. and unemployed. (yes, i live at my work.. wierd)
but then again, isnt this what i always wanted? now me and Q can get our own place, and really start living!
because, in the end, everything is gonna be okay. if its not okay, its not the end. (right Q?)

all creatures on earth die alone

my first day at my new job was not too bad!

I was half an hour late. the only thing my boss said was:

No worries, its monday! lets have a smoke!

I didnt really do anything for the entire day. I just hung out. My coworkers are quite amusing!

weird thing tho, my boss texting me this evening! he was just saying like "good day to day, tomorrow you will smash it!" and "just ask me if there is anything you wondering" and stuff like that, so nothing creepy. still, kinda weird.

then just hung out with my friend and watched Donnie Darko. Lots of film lately!

And I havent been drunk for almost a week!!!! Cant remember the last time that happened! gonna have to do something about that soon..

she's my wife because she's pretty and easy to live with. Oh no, wait, she's not, that's why we don't live together

I still feel kinda wierd. Haven't left my house since friday afternoon. Actually I haven't been in my house for this long..ever! C is the sweetest keeping me company. We've just been eating and watching films. Like Blowup! What a brilliant film!

Got back my pictures from my diana camera the other day. a few were good, others were shit. they look better in reality tho.

tomorrow I start my new job. I don't want toooo!!!

can't get away from myself

Im miserable.
Ive been throwing up everything I've been eating since lunch yesterday. and I didnt have any breakfast yesterday either. which meens I haven't had any food for..a very long time. Thats not the worst thing tho. The worst thing is that its saturday and it's 9.30 and Im not drunk!haha.. anyways. I dont know what to do with myself. I just feel horrible horrible horrible

saturday night, so much to do

ooh, its already saturday night again! no clue at all what to do, mr dickhead wants to meet up, the french artist is in town and wants to do something, i want to go out, but im working until like midnight... my phone is out of battery, am at Qs place, she has passed out again. its just a blurr. just like always.

is it normal to get an old school feeling from coke?

its friday night and im on Qs floor again. everything would have been very normal if it wasnt fot one thing. Qs not good. in fact, she feels horrible right now. she have been throwing up the whole afternoon and night. i feel so bad for her. have never really seen her like this, exept from when it has been alot of alcohol in the picture. poor Q!
it must be a pretty unusual sight, Q and me in her room all quiet. i mean, we are normally the loudest girls at the place. always. any place.
i went to sainsburys and got chrisps, ice cream and coke. she is not eating anything, tho. i guess i have to do it. (my diet went to hell this week anyway) it was a fucking long time ago since i drank real coke. i had almost forgot how much better it actually tastes compare to diet coke.

where there's smoke

oh my, Im shattered! slept two hours last night. Two fucking hours! Me and another friend went to notting hill. drank a lot of wine, as usual. our bartender wasnt there! I thought he had quit since it was a new guy instead. later on, it turned out that was not the case. he just didnt work cuz he was playing with his band. Which I found out in a quite embarrassing way.
anyways. we met some other ppl we know and when the place was closing we all ended up at a random afterparty with a danish guy and his roomies. who I think was english and/or australian. danish guy and one of his friends were charming. one was just weird and one hooked up with some girl upstairs, so I wouldnt know about him.
well, we just hung out at their place. smoked a lot. danish guy taught me how to make smoke rings. we drank beer. played the guitar. listened to music. talked and laughed. before we knew it it was six in the morning. I slept for a bit. my friend called in sick.
eventually we went home. I slept for an hour, got up and got to the interwiev, who was canceled.
I just wanna sleep.. but I have to be a fucking babysitter!

the story of my watch part IIII

oh god, what happend? it was just so wierd, we met up like friends, i mean, he gave me a kiss on the cheek. then we went back to his and talked for a while. i was a bit grumpy, ofc. after like an hour or so he started rubbing my neck. (?) then we watched desperate housewifes, cuddeling up under the fucking blankets.. then, we decided that i was going to stay the night there, he gave me a t-shirt to put on, which was really wierd. it was around 12 a clock. he turned off the tv and started rubbing his nose against mine (okay, i know, its wierd, but it sounds even wierder when im writing it down!!) and we started to kiss for the first time that night. then we had sex. and fell a sleep. woke up at 6 am, came home around 7. very very confused. not sure if this was very good. not sure at all.

but yes. i got my watch back! wihooow, its almost worth celebrating!

the story of my watch is ending tonight

just like Q said, his is it. i am a bit sad about not going to the cute bartender with her tonight, but i have some unfinished buisness to take care of, haha. i really wonder what the fuck he has on his mind, ha basicly told me to fuck the hell of because of the whole sex thing, and now he wants me to come to his house? wierd.

I know it's over-still I cling

I have a jobinterwiev tomorrow. I dont wanna work! haha, Im so lazy!
anyways. the east end thrift store was great! and the emolooking guy whos name might have been josh is a little angel. But, I feel a bit bad about spending money when Im not making any. Which is why Im going to the boring interwiev tomorrow and which is why I didnt try anything on too. It was quite magical, how often does 2nd hand clothes fit? like never! And in this shop everything that C tried on fitted!
While C is going to finish this watch story tonight, Im going to notting hill! Its wednesday after all and it might be my last wednesday without a job. Lets celebrate.

thank you cute emo-looking guy!

we met a really cute guy this sunday morning on a late open bar on hackney road who told us about the east end thrift store. he told us that it was a really nice second hand store, sort of like beyond retro, but not as over-prized and much better.
so today me and Q (yes, we are always together! why hang around with other people when they are just annoying you, haha?) went there. both of us had forgot to look up where it was, but we knew that it was around whitechapel station, so we asked around a few people and but no one really knew, so we had to go to this internet cafe and look it up on google maps. it turned out that we were like just outside..
anyway, it was so fucking good! i tryed on four things, and it was amazing, all of them looked so good on. i bought a pair of leather shorts (hell yes!) and a suede skirt. had a chat with the man who had the store, he was very very nice. apparently they have late night openings sometimes, with free drinks. cant wait to go!

boys boys boys

seems like all i do these days are; think about the summer, think about boys and sleep. i feel like a zombie. came to Qs house at 20.30. talked a little bit. fell a sleep in Qs bed. woke up round 23.30. went home. not much of a company! sorry!

i´ve got a text that made me very very happy from a boy called M today. thats just all i call him, M. i cant pronounce his name properly, so he is just M to me. havent heard from him for months and his text was very very sweet. then i anserwed and then he wrote something about when my roomies are going away and when he can "see my room."
all boys are really the same. they just want to fuck you. i dont put any valuation in that tho. sometimes i can be the same. (like with that modelguy! still my mission!)

to make up for old mistakes

monday, the start of a new week and a new month.
today have i been trying to do as good things as possible. first of all, i went to school, which is quite good, since it was a while ago that i was there, my teacher even started calling me. but it was all fine!
i have been eating really good, only healthy things. (breakfast, a banana, lunch, two plums, supper, a falafel wrap)
and i have been drinking lots and lots of water, my skin gets veery upset while partying and not washing away make up, so im trying to drink as much as possible during the week, cus i know i dont do it over the weekend.
and i have been tidying my room, which was such a mess! it took me like hours to get rid of all diet coke bottles, old clothes, sewing things, tissues, papers, shoes, magazines, books, make up, beer cans, etc etc that was lying around everywhere.
totaly feel like a new person!

I am not a robot

I like this pic cus it looks like I have cheekbones extraordinaire. I don't.
Really have to get myself I camera. like, a real camera!

sunday night

ooh, i think that the french artist-guy is comming to london soon! oh so lovely! was suppose to meet up with him last saturday, i think it was, but the last i heard from him was a text saying "im so so sorry.. a joint just killed me. im in my bed!" that is just hilarious! his back in paris now, but will be here next saturday again! i love the fact that we are e-mailing each other, it feels so retro!

this weekend:

have i found a new favourite food and wine store. 3 bottles of wine for 5 pounds. thats what i call a bargain! its gonna feel so wierd to go back to sweden again, where you at least have to pay like 6 pounds for 1 bottle.

have i not completed my mission.... unfortunately.

did i see my favourite blogger for the moment, on the bus to liverpool street. he was so fucking cute, but so much shorter then i thought! i wish that i wasent such a coward and that i had started talking to him.

have i got shouted at by two toilet men for occupying the toilet on two differente places. one of them was really really agressive. he tried to jump in to our toilet. me and Q where just laughing, as usual.

have i sent the bitchiest text ever.... round 4.30 in the night/morning. i just love being a bitch sometimes.

chocolatemilk and joy division

had the best day.
we left my room for about 15 minutes to go to tesco and buy an obscene amount of unhealthy food.
then we just laying in my room. watching french films. sleeping. listening to joy division. eating brownies with BnJ. drinking chocolatemilk. drinking lemonade. eating crisps. eting cheesesticks. eating chocolate. eating bread and creame cheese.
we are so disgusting.

watch out

about the whole watch thing. I must just say that C isn't exaggerating. The guy is really wierd. She texted him that she wanted her watch back. he answered that he didnt like that she didnt wanna have sex with him. completely off topic. she answered that he could just keep it (cus he was so creepy) and he answered "too bad to end it like this" or something like that and that it was bcus she didnt wanna have sex with him. eh, akward!

anyways. we never ran into modelguy yesterday. Too bad! I kinda wondered where everyone were, didnt really see anyone I recognized. Oh well we met Ste, haha! just wandering around with a tiny umbrella. He's the cutest! and we met some nice guys with the most extreme fringes. cant really recall what we talked about tho.

but we got home like 6am, quite early. what happened to us afterpartying until 9am and then stagger home after a couple of hours sleep in an unknowned bed? but oh.. that was me a week ago!

break my heart on a gay bar

I thought it was kind of weird when Cs dad called this morning and she told him she had been on a gaybar last night. mainly cus I wouldnt tell my parents that. (and thats mainly cus they wouldnt ask.) C said that it was a good thing to say cus it sound like your not out to pick up guys, it sound like your just out to dance and have fun.

thing is tho, this kinda made me think about the whole gaybar thing. I never really thought about that..people might think we are gay when we go to a gay bar. There was a guy last night who asked me if we were gay and and thought it was kinda funny, like "do I look gay?". but its kinda resonable. to be gay in a gaybar. anyways. the thing is that there is quite a lot straight ppl there to. not that I dont like gay gays and girls. they are fab! I love hanging out with them.

my point is just... that even in a gay bar you can get your heart broken.

the story about my watch pt III

when me and Q were waiting for the tube I came up with the best revenge ever to mr dickhead. he has this ridiculosly cool "friend" (or, they are at least friends on facebook, and everyone knowswho he is) who is a model (and sooo much more succesfull then mr dickhead!) and very.... interesting. he is always round and about everywere were we are. it would just be so much fun if i went home with him. the only thing mr dickhead wanted (but couldnt get) from me was sex, and it would just be so fun to have it with this other guy. cus i know that he would found out. and i know that it would bother him. he would wonder why and start thinking about what was wrong with him. hahahahahaha.

part II of my watch-story

okay. that mr dickhead texted me back. and i hate him EVEN MORE now. what the fuck is up with him? something is really wrong with that guys brain.
he basically wants me to have sex with him in exchange of my own fucking watch.

AND.
last night. Q had mr swedish guys number, so we called and called. he sent us a wierd text back, and then stopped anserwing. we explained the situation for him, that i just want my fucking watch. but no anserw. we sent a really rude text saying that we will be keep calling him. haha. okay, at least i can see the fun part in it. but what the fuck is up with everyone????? fucking watchstealers! i hate you guys! im soooo fucking angry!!!! okay, i have been steeling things from people at afterpartys, and that is kind of fun, but its just embarrassing when i clearly want them back!
or maybe he had a girl there last night? the swedish guy. that would be the only acceptable reason... well, im fucking pissed of anyway!
and wtf shall i anserw to mr dickheads text?! aaaaaaaaaarggghhh, i hate boys!!!

(not walter, tho. such a cute guy that we met last night! never got to change number, tho.. and the cutest little swedish gay boy ever, the funniest thing is that he came up to us and we talked for like 15 min whitout even realizing that he was swedish! he had the most fabouluse big golden earrings from portobelloroad. very sweet!)

C

all over again

we're lying on my floor again. drinking wine again. listening to music again.
eating ice cream again. discussing deep shit again. laughing like crazy again.
Its friday again.
Hope it will be a fucking good one.

im gonna get myself another glas of wine and forget about time

i hate him. that arrogant dickhead, and he is a fucking stealer to!

okey. the story in a short version.
i bought the most lovely watch. wore it everyday for two months. got thousands of compliments for it. forgot it at an afterparty at a swedish guys house on my birthday, i sort of had a threesome (or, im not sure) with the guy included, so i dont really feel comfortable with just knocking on his door, and i dont have his number.
a couple of days after i bought another watch. it was truly amazing to, not as nice as the first one, and not as special, but it was much better quality and sort of a classic one. came home to mr dickhead (yes, that is ten-years-older-then-me-guys new name) and happend to forget it at his place. nothing wrong with that. but now. he havent texted me for ages and ages, witch is unusual. so i thought, why not do it myself, and texted him. i dont text people like that. i wait for people to text me. i very very much want to text people, but i never do, because i think its cool to be a bit hard to get. (yes, im the biggest nerd ever) but i texted him. i texted him once, last night. no anserw. i texted him today, in the morning, no anserw. its ben 24 fucking hours. that fucking bastard is steeling my watch! yes, im upset. not just because of the watch. because of his behavior! okej, he could have been at work today. but anyway! and its my second watch on less then a month... AND i lost my camera on NYE. and my oyster card which i had 100 pounds on. pissed!
i think im gonna start stalking him. i mean, im obviusly gonna see him as soon as i go out east. and he should know that. its just embarrassing for him when he´s gonna see me.
(haha, sometimes i just laugh at myself, normal people should prob think that it would be embarrassing for me, since i texted and he just didnt give a fuck. but i just think that it is pretty funny that i am the mature one in this situation)
and yes, i should probebly be better of not to care that much. but i just want my fucking watch!

quote from my favourite pub on portobello rd.

its warm inside the nightclub,

your face is lit up by a discolight

i dont want to go home alone, not tonight

i have a picture of a man who used to sit in that chair

i will go anywhere

just as long as im with someone

you will do, just take me home for tea

i will be gone when you wake up

no embarrassing breakfast, i swear

dont you look for me

because i could be anywhere

in someone elses house

in someone elses arm

with someone else to warm the pain away

but on the other hand; its fucking friday!! the day we have all been waiting for, and im skipping school today to.... catch up with some homework, haha. but tonight, on the other hand is gonna be pretty something! (i hope?)

take me out, tonight, where there's music and there's people and they're young and alive

being without a job again meens I can do pretty much anything I want.
I went to a meeting today though, and I might get a job again soon.. which meens I have to do as much I as can, while I can!! but..what do I wanna do?
just off the top of my head.. I wanna get drunk and meet fab and fun people.
so. I think Ill try to do that tonight

we came here to do shitty jobs monday-friday and live like kings and queens on the weekends

the reason why i dont update that much during the week is because i have a shitty job and im studying at the same time, so i dont have anything to blog about. anything at all.
all i ever wish is that i wouldent need to work. that i had enaugh money to just wonder around, do nothing, drink red wine in the bath, learn how to play the guitar, buy a old and charming flat and decorate it just the way i want to, spend days and days at tiny little vintage-shops, drink beer and smoke weed in the park, get a cat, read very complicated books, take lots of pictures, go out five days a week, kiss to many boys and just live life. but i cant. at least not for now.
and that makes me a bit sad.

the way i wanna love you, well it could be against the law

well, when me and the photagrapher/jesus-looking-guy went home to his place this thursday we talked and talked about life, and he said that he think that i have a lot of barriers in my head. he also asked if i dont have that much experience of love and death.

and that made me realize something. i dont. i have never really loved anyone. and i have never really lost anyone either. i feel like such a baby. i have always seen myself as a person with a lot of experience. but not.

but on the other hand. another guy told me last week that there is something so very innocent with me. i was a bit upset, but then he said that that is what makes me so exciting.

or maybe, im just thinking to much..

C

my delirium

so, about my thursday.


It all started at my place. more bottles of wine than we were ppl. c fell of the chair. swe friend fell of the bed. twice. I didnt fall then, but later on I fell, oh yes, I fell!


anyways. got to catch. great as always. it was quite random that I met the guy from the swap party, and he wore my shirt! he had cut it off tho. I hung out quite a lot with him and his friends.. I think. when it closed, Im not quite sure what happened but C ran away with jesus looking guy (haha!) and me and our swedish friend headed to an afterparty with some french ppl. It was a embarassing episode on the bus. when I also had my fall. Im not gonna tell the whole thing. but I didnt feel very good. french ppl were the cutest tho. we got to their place. they made us pizza. then we pretty much sat and talked, drank, smoked and listened to music. danced a bit. tried to speak french, cus it was like five french people and us. and a japanese guy. but our french is not the best.
around five we decided to head home.

non of us felt very good friday.

but saturday tho. started in C place. somehow the last I saw of C was lying on her bed with her cat on her hip. we took off.. and there was a restaurant.. it was joiners.. it was random but familiar people. it was that other place across from joiners. and then there was the afterparty. to be honest, I was fucking stoned. I talked constantly for like three hours. i had so much fun, but Im not quite sure if everyone else enjoyed it as much tho, haha! but one of em called me last night, so I cant have been totally horrible I guess..

it was quite weird to wake up and..wearing thaiboxing shorts. like, what the fuck happened last night?

jesus, where do i start?

i dont know why i always feel so empty and alone on sundays, but i do. always. and it is just getting worse weekend after weekend. lying in my bed now, with the cat on my feet and listening to new york i love you but youre bringing me down on repeat.

thinking a bit of sweden. will i ever go back? can i ever go back? i dont think that things ever could be the same there now, after everything that has happend here.

i found some old pictures of when me and Q were sitting on the beach, drinking bear and smoking cigars that i stole from my work. it feels like yesterday, but i guess that its almost three years ago now.

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour

like C already revealed, I dont have a job anymore, which I love!
however, Im a bit broken today. last night was fucking crazy. dont even know where to start, haha! but I got like three hours of sleep so I really need to go to bed now... Ill tell the whole story tomorrow. or at least most of it. oh and should tell you about my thursday! quite crazy aswell.

brightening up

i forgot the funniest thing ever! Q lost her job. just like that. they didnt need her anymore. and she was soo freaking happy about it, so we had to celebrate that this thursday.
everything is back to normal now. Q doesnt have a job, my swedish friend is going back to sweden and im all on my own in my little room, but the people that i live with are comming home tonight. and school starts again tomorrow. a its been a fucking great half-term.

the thing with happiness is...... that its boring.

its ben a while. i feel like shitt, i know that i say so all the time, but now, i really really do. havent even ben out for two days.
my friend from sweden is leaving today. she is at some kind of afterparty now, just called her and it sounded like pretty something. with the guys that i used to afterparty with. and im in my bed.

this tuesday i went to that ten-years-older-then-me-guy again. we were all sober and we didnt take any drugs at all, that felt very strange. but i know that it was the last time i was there, tho. had that feeling. that is a bit sad, cus i liked him so much as a friend, he was the most fun person to be with. jsut not more then that..
wednesday was all good with lots of partying and a bit shopping and sightsing. (my gud i sound like im.. 40. sightsing?) and then thursday was supergreat. spended the day with watching stoned, the movie about brian jones in rolling stones. really good. and fun. then we went to Qs house for dinner, my goal was to be drunk before eight a clock, by seven a clock i fell down from the kitchen chair. we went to catch, met some people from the weekend, met som new people and just had a good time. met this photagrapher and we went back to his place. he had ben taking some mazing pictures that he showed me. we smoked a lot of weed and talked about life naked in his bed. such a good night. i was slightly dying the day after, tho.

pieces of what

haha, freakin amazing! Im up.
its 7.30.
on a thursday.

it was not a regular night at the beloved art club tho. where did all the ppl come from? and ofc, our visiting friend was there aswell! haha, shes the best.
must say that it was quite hilarious when C came up to me, totally devastated cus her bag and coat were gone. then she found them.
in the cloakroom.

I heart

suger town

I cant help being a bit absent. my new job is killing me. Im not made to work.

and my sis been here visiting. we are very different.

anyways. weekend was not too bad. not as crazygood as it could have been,(or well, not as "waking up naked next to other naked ppl and finding my clothes all covered in beer and not knowing who that guy is and still being kinda stoned" kind of crazy) but good. cant help but loving and hating the gaybar. loving cus everyone is sooo nice and sweet and fab and good looking. and hating cus everyone is so sweet and nice and fab and good looking and GAY! Which meens I cant have them. Why oh why?

and ye, the annoying girl kinda wrecked the whole thing. that was such a shame, could have been so fucking awsome!

haha, and apparantly, Im pal with a pusher. My pusher. Since when do I have one? Since this sunday morning I would guess.

london i love you, but you´re bringing me down

the weekend was good, even tho it didnt turn out the way i thought/hoped. people who wasnt suppose to be there were there. like the most annoying girl i know.
but, at least we spent valentines on a gay bar holding a heartshaped balloon and getting nice compliments from all the lovely gentlemens. and that is pretty something!
my friend is comming over for a coupple of days now. its gonna be crazy, i hope. tomorrow night i have a date, wednesday night i waaant to have the bartender at the art club, thursday night we are going catch and then whoop whoop; weekend again!!

hurry hurry

its saturday night, Q is on her way here with some wine and shitt, we are going soho tonigt, first soho and then east, ofc.
im gonna make Q take lots and lots of pictures of me tonigt.

better than sleeping in my bed

oh my. this morning I was an hour late for work. I got in by ten.
bout 5 hours earlier I was wandering the street of fucking nowhere, cus I fell asleep on the bus.
and a couple of hours before that I stood by the bar, singing there is a light that never goes out waaay too loud (not all by myself I though!)
and two hours or so before that I finished my first bottle of wine. or was it my second?
oh, what the fuck. last night could have been a lot more boring.
I could have been sleeping.
at home.
and get up in time for work.

kiss the bartender from me

staying in tonight, still feeling a bit awful and saving some money. but, Q, i expect a full report when u are comming home tonight!

closer to 60 then to 0

i hate him for not anserwing my texts, but i love it so much anyway! it makes me frustrated and it makes me wonder what tha fuck is up with him, and i like that, because i hate guys that text me all the time.
i was kind of expecting a text like the day after, since he is so fucking polite all the time, but no.

he texted me today. he calls me babyface. i hate it in the same time as i love it. it reminds me that he is 10 years older than me. (no, i cant stop repeating that) he is wondering if i have any plans on saturday. ofc i do.

the story of my life

i was the lead-singer of a band
i took too much drugs
i died young

(happy now, E?)

kate moss is also really really old, but she is fucking hot anyway!

really really wierd weekend. lost my phone, was missing for like 17 hours that i spent far away in a house with a guy and it was all oh so blurry. watching movies, drinking to much, taking to much shitt, having wierd conversations, eating to much chocolate and pretend that we were 15 again. but we are not. (he is actually twice that age.....)
and then, saturday. was on the list for some really posh club with an open bar. came there, drank some free drinks and left. not much of a saturday night, tho.
(cant wait for next weekend, swapp-o-rama!)

now; eating ben n jerys in my bed. just realized that I havent had a proper meal since wednesday. yesterday was the worst.
breakfast: a pear,
lunch: some chocholate,
supper: a bottle of wine.

C

sunday blues

this weekend havent been much fun.
C went missing.
couldnt go out friday.
couldnt go where I wanted to go saturday.

ah whatever. theres a new one in a week.

get me away im dying / fun facts

and just for everyones information; there was blood in my wee this morning